


it just means time

by doctorwhomst



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-06-01 10:33:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 13,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15141233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctorwhomst/pseuds/doctorwhomst
Summary: a collection of River oneshots/fics!





	1. thirteen/river

**Author's Note:**

> ok so some disclaimers: 
> 
> \- this was supposed to be all self indulgent & i wasn't expecting to be sharing these anywhere but my friend encouraged me to post them  
> \- everything will be in no particular order & they might even contradict each other & some (for example, the ones with Thirteen) may not be canon compliant  
> \- i apologize for any mistakes or anything that may be incorrect!
> 
> tags for this particular chapter: thirteen/river, ptsd, nightmares, hurt & comfort

Bad dreams are something that, unfortunately, River is extremely familiar with. She has grown accustomed to dealing with them on her own; there have been so many times where she would sit up in her bed in the middle of the night, suddenly alarmed, because her own screaming had woken her up. She is so used to tears streaming down her face during the early hours of the morning, the feeling of emptiness in her chest, trying to calm herself down and lull herself back to sleep even though she was still too scared to because she can’t even trust herself when she gets like this. River likes to think that everything she experienced when she was younger has shaped her in such a way that she’s a better person now than she would be if she hadn’t gone through her childhood. Despite this, as much as she tries not to actively think about the brainwashing and the rest of the fuzziness in her memories, it slips through when she’s unconscious.

 

This time, when River wakes up, she’s already crying. She doesn’t bother wiping her face, she’s learned from experience that the tears will stop falling when they want to and nothing that she does will hurry that process up. She wraps her arms around herself, trying to think about anything other than what she had just been dreaming of, as she attempts to get her breathing under control. She is more than used to this but it’s not any easier than it was the first time. 

 

River takes a few deep breaths as she tries to determine if she will be able to go back to sleep once she calms down. She doesn’t have much time to figure it out, however, because she feels someone’s arms wrap around her and pull her in close. River looks up, ready to defend herself if needed, but it’s just the Doctor. Of course. Of course it’s the Doctor. River isn’t alone tonight, she’s with the only person in the universe who could make her feel like everything will be all right.

 

“Are you okay?” the Doctor murmurs gently, her hand rubbing River’s back. 

 

“Yeah,” River responds, leaning into the Doctor’s touch, looking anywhere but the Doctor’s face. She moves to bury her own face in the Doctor’s warmth but the Doctor puts a hand on either side of River’s cheek, fingers softly caressing. River allows herself to make eye contact with the Doctor, who gives her a reassuring smile in return.

 

“Are you sure?” the Doctor asks. She wipes away the tears from River’s cheeks with her thumbs and then leans in to press a kiss to the now dry spots under River’s eyes. River wants to turn away; she can see the worry and tenderness and genuine love in the Doctor’s gaze and it’s too intense. She can only imagine what the Doctor sees in her eyes.

 

River finally looks away and out of the corner of her eye, she sees the Doctor frown. She knows the Doctor will back off if River doesn’t want to answer. The Doctor just wants to help and is aware that pressuring her into admitting her fragility will not solve anything.

 

River is silent for a few seconds and then says, “I had a nightmare.”

 

“Do you want to talk about it?” the Doctor asks, taking River’s hand and bringing it up to her lips to press a kiss to it before wrapping both her hands around it. “If you don’t, you don’t have to, okay? But if you do, I’m listening.”

 

River bites her bottom lip, as if that will stop her from releasing everything she’s holding in. The Doctor remains quiet, letting River decide if she wants to say anything or not.

 

“I was going to kill you.” The confession hangs in the air and River  _ knows _ that the Doctor isn’t going to get upset with her or anything like that but she hesitates, not risking a glance at the Doctor’s face. More tears roll down her cheeks and River ignores them, pretending like this isn’t completely tearing her apart. “Again. But there was no way to get around it this time. This time, you’d actually be dead.”

 

River stops speaking for fear of losing control completely. Her eyebrows are already furrowed and now she’s steadily crying. But she stares straight ahead, determined not to break.

 

“Oh, River,” the Doctor says, her hearts heavy with sadness and regret that River is going through this. “My River. My amazing, strong, beautiful River.” She kisses River’s cheeks again and pulls River in close. River lets her, relishing in the feeling of being in the Doctor’s arms at this time. “I’m not going anywhere. And I won’t be for a very long time. No matter what, I will be here for you. Always and completely.”

 

“I know,” River says, her voice muffled from being pressed against the Doctor. She sniffles. “It was just a dream—”

 

“Shush,” the Doctor interrupts, lightly running her fingers through River’s curls. “It wasn’t  _ just _ a dream. It affected you so it’s not something to just be brushed aside. It matters. Your feelings matter.  _ You  _ matter.”

 

River shuts her eyes and shifts even closer to the Doctor. She doesn’t quite agree but she’s too drained and tired to argue so she replies softly, “Thank you.”

 

“Anything for you, my love,” the Doctor answers sincerely. She wants River to know how much she really does mean it; she would do anything and everything for River. “Why don’t you try going back to sleep? If you have another nightmare then I’m here. And if you don’t, well, then I’m still here.”

 

River nods and nuzzles into the Doctor’s neck. This is one of the only places in the world where she feels like she might actually be okay. “Goodnight, Doctor.”

 

The Doctor presses a kiss to the top of River’s head and then shuts her own eyes. She wishes she could make everything better but she settles with saying, “Goodnight, River. Sweet dreams.”


	2. twelve/river

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tags: twelve/river, a mix of angst & fluff, implied nsfw

One night on Darillium means eight thousand, seven hundred and sixty mornings. The large amount of mornings give River and the Doctor plenty of time to stay in bed for longer than they usually would if they didn’t have all this time to spend together. On this particular morning, when River wakes up, the first thing that she does before she even gets the chance to open her eyes is nuzzle into the Doctor’s embrace. He’s warm and his arms around her are comforting so naturally, she doesn’t want to move for at least the next seven years. And they have twenty-four years to spend here so it’s not like they  _ can’t _ not do that. 

 

River feels a hand make its way to her hair and begin petting. The hand feels distant, in a way the tells her that the Doctor isn’t doing it fully consciously. She’ll never get used to this, falling asleep in the Doctor’s arms and waking up there too. She allows herself a small smile of content before she blinks her eyes open and looks up at the Doctor, her vision slightly clouded from sleep. He smiles back at her and leans forward to kiss her nose. She scrunches it and laughs.

 

“Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?” River asks, her eyes trailing across the Doctor’s face. His hair is messy in the adorable way she loves and it’s obvious that he has just woken up as well.

 

“Speak for yourself,” the Doctor shoots back, his own eyes bright. He strokes his hand through her hair and when he gets to the end he plays with just one strand of a curl. He smiles at her and asks, “What do you want to do today?”

 

“Nothing.” River lazily leans forward to give the Doctor’s jaw a kiss. “Just want to stay in bed all day.”

 

“We can’t do that,” the Doctor says with a fond chuckle. “We have to get up at some point, you know.”

 

“Of course we don’t,” River counters, wanting nothing more than to just stay curled up with him and never have him be torn from her grasp ever again. “We can do anything we want. We have all the time in the world.” She is very much aware that that’s as far from true as they can possibly get but what they do have is over two decades and that’s closer than she’d ever thought they’d get to having all the time in the world. 

 

“You really just want to do nothing all day?” the Doctor asks as he moves to lay on his side and prop himself up with his right arm. He gazes at her with such admiration that it takes over his entire expression, it’s the only thing she can see in his face right now and she’s known the Doctor for so long now but she still doesn’t quite know what to do when she looks at him and just sees _that_. 

 

“Yes.” River nods, willing herself not to start blushing. She’s been through so much with this man — there’s been a countless amount of flirting, they’ve kissed, they’ve done more than kiss, they’ve even gotten married. But out of everything, what River finds herself being flustered by is the way he’s looking at her. “Why are you doing that?”

 

“Doing what?” the Doctor questions, his brows furrowed. 

 

“Your face,” River answers, as if that explains everything. 

 

“My face?” the Doctor repeats and River nods. “What is my face doing? I can’t see it right now.”

 

“It... It’s looking at me like I’m the most important person alive,” River says, and it takes her breath away to hear it admitted out loud. But even then, her answer is an understatement and she knows it. The Doctor’s face is looking at her like she’s every star in the galaxy combined. The Doctor’s face is looking at her like he’d reach up and give her an entire moon if he could. The Doctor’s face is looking at her like she’s the reason why life is able to go on, like she’s the reason people are born everyday and the planets are still in orbit, like she’s the reason happiness exists. 

 

River has to look away. She knows she doesn’t deserve for someone to look at her like that, especially not the Doctor. 

 

“You are the most important person alive,” the Doctor says, like it’s so obvious that she should already know, that  _ everyone _ should already know. He frowns as River raises her eyebrows, clearly doubtful of that. “Surely you believe that.”

 

River gives a halfhearted shrug. Every awful thing comes flooding through her brain; the times she tried to kill him, the times she slapped him, the times she’s done anything to hurt him. She’s tempted to ask him to just drop the subject completely but he isn’t going to give up that easily. “I don’t know, Doctor.”

 

“River, look at me,” he says. There’s no room for debate in his voice so she does and he brings his hand up to rest his palm on her cheek. His eyes are soft with admiration, appreciation, and things that River is scared to even hope to see in him when he’s with her. It’s overwhelming and River is tempted to look away because she  _ can’t _ be seeing what his face is thinking. “You are more important than _anyone_. Even me.” His hand trails down her face and neck to her arm where he runs his fingers up and down after leaning forward to kiss her shoulder. 

 

“Doctor,” River says, scoffing at what he’s saying. She has to end this because she’s never going to believe him but he’s also never going to stop trying to convince her. “I understand what you’re trying to do. And I love you but it’s just not going to work.”

  
“I can try,” the Doctor insists and then kisses her collarbone a few times. “We  _ do _ have all day, as per your request.”


	3. eleven/river

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tags: eleven/river, angst but also it's kinda sweet

River doesn’t know much about love but she does see the way her parents look at each other. She’s witnessed them looking at each other countless times, even from when they were all kids and they didn’t know what they meant to each other or what they were meant to be in the future. She has seen it enough times to be able to tell that’s exactly how she looks at the Doctor, and it’s an unsurprising thing because of course she would end up falling in love with him, of _course_ , but just because it was inevitable doesn’t mean it’s any less scary. River has never been known to be one who runs away from something unknown but _this_ , this foreign feeling that the Doctor gives her, this is what makes her want to run away as fast as she possibly can.

 

But instead of running, what River forces herself to do is stay. During the nights they spend together, she lays next to the Doctor as she runs her fingers gently through his hair. He remains fast asleep and she tries to ignore the way her hearts speed up when he nuzzles closer to her. Anything else, she can deal with. Meaningless flirting with or kissing or fucking other people, she knows very well and has no problem with. But this? This is something she’s never had before, something she never expected she’d ever have, something she never dared to even wish or hope for. She can’t think of anything that is more special or more important to her than this, than the Doctor contentedly laying next to her, his chest softly moving up and down with his breaths. It should comfort her but instead, what it actually does is put tears in her eyes and thoughts about how she doesn’t deserve him,  how she doesn’t deserve this happiness, how she doesn’t deserve any of this in her brain. She forces herself to look away from his face and she slips out of his grasp as she gets up. She walks to the door and opens it, wiping her eyes as she leaves the room, only looking back at him once. 

 

She shuts the door behind her and presses her hand against the TARDIS wall as she walks. She can feel and hear the TARDIS hum, as if the ship is trying to comfort her. It makes her smile. 

 

She enters the kitchen. She hadn’t been aiming to come here, hadn’t been aiming anywhere actually, but now that she is here she figures that she’ll make herself a cup of tea and try to force away the negative thoughts that are threatening to take over her head. She stops in her tracks when she sees Amy sitting at the table, a steaming cup in her hands. Amy looks up and gives her a smile. River manages a smile back even though she can tell Amy sees right through it.

 

“Hey,” Amy says as River walks in. “What are you doing up?”

 

“Couldn’t sleep,” River answers, and she doesn’t feel bad about it because it isn’t a lie. “What about you?”

 

“Same,” Amy replies, watching suspiciously as River starts to go over to the kettle. Amy stands up and says, “You want tea? I’ll make it.”

 

“No, it’s okay, I can—” River begins but Amy has already beaten her to it. River gives her a smile of thanks and sits down at the table next to the chair Amy had been sitting in. When the tea is done, Amy comes over with the cup and hands it to her. “Thank you, mother.”

 

Amy settles back into her seat and eyes River. “So why couldn’t you sleep?”

 

“Oh, I don’t know,” River answers after too long of a pause. She’s good at lying but not to Amy ever since she found out she was her mother.

 

Amy raises her eyebrows, clearly disbelieving. “Are you sure about that?”

 

River looks away with a small sigh. “It’s nothing important.”

 

“Of course it’s important,” Amy counters. 

 

“It’s just... I just wish that things were different.” River looks down at the cup in her hands. She feels like a little girl talking to her mother about her problems, living the childhood she never got to have. “If you and dad had gotten to raise me the way you wanted, if I hadn’t had to kill the Doctor, if I wasn’t...” She trails off, looking anywhere but Amy. 

 

“If you weren’t what?”

 

“If I wasn’t... like this.”

 

The room is silent for several seconds. 

 

“There is nothing wrong with you,” Amy says, leaving no room in her voice for debate. “You are perfect and I’m your mother so you can’t argue with me on this. Yeah, it would’ve been nice to have raised you linearly but it’s not something any of us could have controlled — especially not you — and it is most certainly not something any of us should be upset about. The only thing that Rory and I regret or would change is the fact that they hurt you. And you know what? It probably made all of us closer than we would’ve been if all of that  _ hadn’t _ happened. We didn’t get to raise you but you still grew up with us. All we want is our daughter’s happiness. Rory and I love you, the Doctor is in love with you—” She’s cut off as River scoffs. “What, you don’t think he is? Have you  _ seen _ the way he looks at you, Melody?”

 

“I know he’s not.” River shakes her head and Amy looks at her in disbelief. “It’s not his fault, mother, he just isn’t.”

 

“You really think that?” Amy asks. “I know what someone looks like when they’re in love because I look at Rory like that. And the way I look at Rory is the way the Doctor looks at you.”

 

“I’ve never seen him look like that,” River replies. 

 

“Because you’ve never _looked_ ,” Amy says. 

 

River just shakes her head again, not believing.


	4. twelve/river

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tags: twelve/river, angst, this was genuinely supposed to be fluffy but idk what happened whoops

In the evening, River and the Doctor go outside to see the setting sun. It’s one of the most beautiful things that River has ever seen in her life and she can tell the Doctor feels the same as he rests his hand on her back and steps close enough to her that she can feel his breath on the back of her neck. They both look out at the scene in front of them, the weight of the Doctor’s hand on her is different than what she’s used to; it’s a light, barely there touch that she hopes matches the lightness in his hearts. Nevertheless, she leans into his touch and turns her head to look at him, laughing at a bad joke he has just made. He looks pleased with himself at having made her laugh at that and she rolls her eyes before going on her tippy toes to kiss his cheek. He smiles at her and she smiles back.

 

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” the Doctor says after several moments of silence. The sun is almost completely gone but what’s left of it creates a warm, yellow glow. The Doctor can barely take his eyes off of River — the contrast of the glow behind her hair makes her look like an angel.

 

River nods. “I’ve never seen anything like it.”

 

The Doctor stares at her for a few more seconds before he grabs her arms and pulls her closer to him, leaning down so their lips can meet. It’s a simple kiss but it’s long, neither of them feeling any urgency to pull away so quickly. The kiss feels how the sunset looks; soft, magical, a reminder of the good things that they have left. 

 

“I don’t want it to end,” the Doctor murmurs when they part, voicing what both of them have been thinking since the very first night they landed on Darillium. He presses his forehead against River’s and shuts his eyes. He doesn’t want the sunset to end, he doesn’t want these twenty-four years to end, he doesn’t want  _ River  _ to end. “It’s too beautiful to be over.”

 

“It’s not over yet,” River reminds him. She allows her eyes to close as well, taking in the feeling of the Doctor against her. The thought occurs that one day, she won’t be able to feel him anymore and she pushes the idea as far away from her brain as it can possibly get. She inhales and keeps the breath there for several beats before she exhales. It’s difficult, it’s always been difficult and will only continue to get more difficult, but it’s worth it. The Doctor is  worth everything. “We still have time. A lot of it, in fact.”

 

“It’s not enough,” the Doctor blurts out before he can stop himself. River opens her eyes at the same time the Doctor does and he pulls away from her, shaking his head. It’s not enough because anything less than spending forever with River is too little but also it’s  _ more _ than enough because any amount of time he spends with her is perfect and he never even thought he’d get this, he’d never even dared to hope that there was even a possibility that these twenty-four years could happen. “I’m sorry, River—”

 

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” River’s voice has a sense of urgency and pain when she interrupts him because she needs him to know that she understands. She’s going through the exact same thing that he is and she needs him to know that because there’s no way either of them can get through this alone. Their need for each other, to recognize each other, to see each other, has become too strong for them to function any other way. “We’ll find a way around it. We always do.”

 

The Doctor looks down and watches as River takes his hands in hers, biting back the unspoken words that are threatening to escape from his mouth. When he looks back up, his eyes are shining with tears that have been brewing for a long while, tears that have been brewing for hundreds of years, for all of eternity and it makes River’s own eyes water. But still he blinks a few times, struggling to keep the tears inside, and there’s a certain fragility in his soul that River has seen only a few times before and it hurts her more than anything else. His voice is weak as he admits, “I don’t know if we can this time.”

 

“We can.” River says it like she needs it to be true, like she can’t deal with it if it isn’t true. “We will.”

  
The rawness in her voice makes the Doctor’s hearts clench painfully. The sun that had just been in front of them is now nowhere to be found, casting a darkness over them that matches the darkness the Doctor feels. The lightness that had just been in the air minutes ago is completely gone, no trace of it left, replaced with sorrow and sadness and guilt. The Doctor’s head is filled with countless ideas to somehow save River, the same ones that have gone through his brain many times in the past, the same ones that the Doctor knows won’t work. He would do anything to get more time for them but the one thing he won’t do is rewrite the time they’ve already had, which seems to be the only way. He can’t, he  _ won’t _ rewrite any of the stories they’ve shared together and after Darillium, she’ll go to the library where she’ll meet the version of him that’ll break her heart and then she’ll burn to her death. There’s no options left, he knows this, even River knows this even though she’s so set on believing that he’ll be able to change things. So he takes a sharp inhale of breath and even though he doesn’t believe it, he nods and agrees, “Yes, we will.”


	5. thirteen/river, nsfw

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tags: thirteen/river, nsfw, handcuffs, imogen i was up past 11pm editing this for you so you better be happy, no one read this pls & thank you

“Are the handcuffs necessary?” the Doctor asks, looking up at River. The Doctor is laying flat on her back on the bed, wearing hardly anything, and River is straddling her, wearing little more than the Doctor.

“Does this regeneration not like them?” River questions. The last two both liked handcuffs, among other things, so River honestly hadn’t seen this coming but if the Doctor doesn’t want them then of course she’ll put them away.

The Doctor finds herself blushing and she looks away. “No, I still like them.”

River frowns. “What’s the problem then?” The Doctor’s face flushes even more and despite herself, River can’t help but find it adorable.

“I just think I like them even more than the past me’s did,” the Doctor says after a moment. “Which is... frightening. Because I haven’t done anything with this body yet and it’s just all so different. Don’t get me wrong, I really am liking this body but I wouldn’t even know where to begin. It’s not like in the past where I at least know what to do, this time everything is different.” She looks up to meet River’s eyes and River gives her a reassuring smile.

“Darling,” River begins, her eyes shining with admiration for the woman she loves. “First of all, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. Okay? I can’t understand completely because I’ve been a woman each time I’ve regenerated but I know how it feels when you have to figure everything out all over again. I’m here to help you, Doctor. Always.”

The Doctor allows a small smile to appear on her face. She gives a firm nod. “Okay.”

“We’ll take it slow,” River promises. She holds up the handcuffs again. “Do you want to use them? We really don’t have to if you don’t want to right now. Or if you don’t ever want to, that’s fine as well.”

“No, I want to,” the Doctor says, giving another firm nod. She looks up at River. “...Kiss me?”

“You don’t even have to ask, my love,” River replies, leaning down to give the Doctor a gentle kiss. Both their eyes flutter closed and when they pull apart, they give each other a smile. River takes the Doctor’s left hand first and guides it up over the Doctor’s head, then the right. She looks at her and the Doctor nods. River takes the handcuffs and shuts them around the Doctor’s hands before attaching the handcuffs to the headboard of the bed. “Is everything okay?”

The Doctor nods, once again starting to blush. She tests the handcuffs, pulling her hands against them. “Yes, I’m fine.”

“Tell me if anything gets to be too much,” River tells her. The Doctor nods and River reaches down to brush the Doctor’s neck and collarbone. The Doctor subconsciously turns her head, allowing River more access, and River goes to pepper it with kisses and bites. River makes her way down to the Doctor’s chest and the Doctor gasps as River smiles to herself. The Doctor pulls against the handcuffs, trying to reach out to River, and when she finds that she’s not going anywhere she arches up into River’s touch.

The Doctor squirms, gasping out, “River—”

“This body is so sensitive,” River murmurs, moving away from the Doctor’s chest. The Doctor’s face flushes and she looks away, almost sheepish. “That’s not a bad thing, sweetie. In fact, that’s a very good thing.” River lets out a laugh, and the Doctor finds herself smiling as well. River meets the Doctor’s eyes and she can’t help but also meet her lips as well. As they kiss, River’s hand moves down to the Doctor’s stomach, her fingers lightly trailing along the soft skin, and the Doctor has to pull away to laugh.

“It tickles,” the Doctor explains, and River grins. Everything, every single small little thing, about the Doctor’s new body is perfect. River voices this out loud, moving down to the Doctor’s legs.

“You’re perfect,” River says after pressing a kiss to the Doctor’s thigh. “I’m really glad you like this body because I do too. More than like, actually.”

She hovers over the Doctor, her eyes silently asking if it’s okay. The Doctor nods and River lowers her head so her mouth can meet in between the Doctor’s legs. The Doctor gives a sharp intake of breath as River’s tongue gets to work.

The Doctor pulls against the handcuffs again and when she gets nowhere she says breathily, “I want to touch you.”

“Do you want me to take them off of you?” River asks, pausing her ministrations for a moment.

“No, it’s okay.” The Doctor doesn’t even hesitate before shaking her head. River laughs and returns to what she was doing.

The Doctor lets out a small sound before she can stop herself and immediately bites her lip to contain it. River continues with newfound encouragement; now she wants to see what sounds she can make the Doctor make. She moves her hand to where her head is and replaces her mouth with a finger. The Doctor arches into River’s touch, shutting her eyes as the feeling overwhelms her.

“How does that feel?” River asks, adding another finger.

The Doctor opens her mouth with the intention to reply but instead, what comes out is a breathy groan.

“How did I,” the Doctor begins but has to cut herself off with a gasp as River hits that one spot. “How did I go two thousand years without ever experiencing this.”

“I don’t know, Doctor,” River muses, watching the Doctor’s face as she gives a particularly hard thrust.

“River,” the Doctor whines, tugging at the handcuffs excessively, now moving her hips to meet River’s hand. River understands that she’s close. “River, River—”

River moves up so she can kiss the Doctor, silencing her, as she works her over the edge. When she calms down, River retracts her hand. The Doctor opens her eyes, meeting River’s gaze and gives her a tired smile.

River smiles back, “Everything all right?”

The Doctor nods, “Yeah.” She’s still trying to catch her breath. River reaches over to uncuff the Doctor. She takes the Doctor’s wrists in her hands and kisses the left one, then the right one. She pulls away and the Doctor reaches towards her and takes her arm, pulling her closer again. She tugs River down so she’s horizontal on the bed, laying next to her. She slides her hand down River’s body and smiles to herself as River’s eyes flutter closed. The Doctor’s hand finds River and she gets to work.

It doesn’t take long before River is gripping the Doctor’s arm, gasping out, “Doctor.” She comes hard, pulling the Doctor into a messy kiss. When the Doctor pulls her hand away, she presses a kiss to River’s cheek and River returns it. They both sleepily snuggle closer to each other, murmuring goodnights.


	6. twelve/river

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tags: twelve/river, a little but of fluff but mostly angst

River wakes up to the smell of breakfast being made. This isn’t an uncommon thing to wake up to; the Doctor enjoys cooking and wakes up earlier than she does so he often gets up to make food for them. River wouldn’t mind sleeping longer but she checks the time and gets up and heads to the kitchen where the Doctor is hard at work. She enters the room, smiling sleepily at the Doctor as he looks up at her. This is pretty commonplace for them; it’s more often than not that River wakes up to the Doctor making breakfast, but it still leaves River with emotion bubbling up in her chest. 

“Look who finally decided to get up,” the Doctor says playfully, pausing in his cooking for a second to give River a kiss on the cheek.

“Shush,” River says, smiling, leaning up on her tiptoes to kiss the Doctor’s jaw. She really could get used to this domesticity. “What are you making?”

“Scrambled egg,” the Doctor answers, and River gives him a fond look at how well he knows her. “And bacon.”

“You never let me make breakfast,” River comments, but she’s very pleased with what he tells her.

“That’s because you wake up so late,” the Doctor replies. He shuts the stove off and carries the pan containing the egg over to the table. He goes back to bring over the bacon as River dishes the egg onto two plates.

“Well, one day I’ll get up early, then,” River says, taking a seat as the Doctor dishes out their bacon and sits down across from her.

“You?” the Doctor scoffs. “Waking up early? I don’t think that’s possible.”

River playfully hits his shoulder and he smiles to himself, both of them starting to eat.

“This is delicious,” River comments after she swallows the food in her mouth. “As usual.”

The Doctor beams at the compliment even though he hears it all the time. “Thank you, dear.”

River returns his smile. “What are we doing today?”

The Doctor shrugs. “Whatever you want.”

“Why don’t we do some exploring?” River asks. “In the entire week we’ve been here, we’ve barely left the house.”

“We can do that,” the Doctor says with a nod. “But I think you’ll find it’s entirely your fault that we haven’t left.”

“My fault?” River repeats. “How is it my fault?”

The Doctor raises his eyebrows at her. “You are extremely... distracting.”

River smirks. “It has nothing to do with me that you’re just easily distracted.”

“It have everything to do with you and you know it,” the Doctor shoots back, trying to hide his smile. River sees right through him, her own smile on her face. The Doctor looks away, down at his food, and asks something he’s been meaning to ask since their first day here. “So, are you enjoying your time on Darillium?”

“Of course I am,” River answers, a confused frown forming on her face at how the Doctor could possibly think otherwise. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“No reason,” the Doctor answers too quickly, looking up to give her what he thinks is a convincing smile. He knows she can see right through him but he tries to brush it off.

“No, what is it?” River asks. She hates that the Doctor has no idea how much she wouldn’t be anywhere else, how much these twenty-four years have and will mean to her. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” the Doctor replies, shaking his head. “We’ve just been here for a week and I wouldn’t like it if you were already having doubts when we still have over two decades left to go.”

River frowns, putting down the fork she had been using. “But why would I be having doubts?”

“I don’t know,” the Doctor answers. He only wants what’s best for River and he’d never forgive himself if she stayed on Darillium with him for twenty-four years if she didn’t really want to be here. “Can we just leave it?”

“No, we can’t just leave it,” River says, her gaze so intense that the Doctor has to stop himself from looking away. “Doctor, every second we’re together is so important. You should already know that. I wouldn’t give up even one second of the time we’ll spend here.”

Before he can stop himself, the Doctor blurts out, “I just don’t want you to leave me.”

“Doctor,” River says, her voice sounding like she wants to pull him into a hug but also like she wants to slap him at the same time. “Doctor, I’m not going to leave you.”

The Doctor closes his eyes for a moment because she has, she has left him, the very first time he met her she left him. But she doesn’t know that, she can’t know that, and he almost wishes that she’ll disappear while his eyes are closed so this doesn’t have to be so painful. He opens his eyes, a part of him actually expecting her to be gone, and he can’t remember the last time he was so relieved when he sees her still sitting across from him. He reaches his hand over to rest on hers and she intertwines their fingers, squeezing his hand like she never wants to let go. He wouldn’t give these twenty-four years up for anything in the universe but he knows in the end, it’ll be even more painful. But River is worth it, she always is.

“I know,” the Doctor says, giving River a nod, even though what he knows is that she’ll do the exact opposite of not leaving him. Right after these twenty-four years are over, she’ll go to the library and she’ll encounter a version of him that has no idea who she is and she’ll die and then he’ll never see her again. And he knows how selfish of him it is to think of it like that but he can’t help it. But she doesn’t know, she’s speculating but it’s a spoiler, so he takes a deep breath and tells her, “I know you’re not.”


	7. thirteen/river

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tags: thirteen/river, offscreen violence (river gets shot right before the beginning of this), hurt & comfort, angst

The Doctor carefully lays River down on the bed. She tries to tell herself to calm down but nothing is able to stop her eyes filling up with tears as she looks at the sight in front of her. River is, to put it lightly, a mess. Her hands are getting drenched in blood from their place by her stomach where the gunshot wound is, her hair is all over the place and sticking to her forehead, her face looks paler than usual, and her eyes are heavy lidded as she looks up at the Doctor to try to keep them from completely closing. The knot in the pit in the Doctor’s stomach twists in a way that only happens when something happens to River and she tells herself that River is going to be fine, she’s going to fix this and River will be as good as new, but that doesn’t do anything to stop the way her hearts beat faster than usual. 

 

“Don’t you dare,” River says to the Doctor, her voice coming out weak. The Doctor looks away as she tries not to show her concern on her face. River, of course, can see right through her but she doesn’t mention it and instead continues, “Don’t use any of your regeneration energy, just do this normally.”

 

The Doctor shakes her head. This would be over in two seconds if River would just let her fix this the easy way. If she uses her regeneration energy it’s not going to harm her now, River has to already know that. “River—”

 

“Or are you just going to let me bleed out?” River interrupts because while she doesn’t want the Doctor to heal her that way, she also doesn’t want to die because the Doctor is taking too long to defend what she had been planning to do. 

 

“Okay,” the Doctor says, because there both isn’t enough time to argue this right now and she doesn’t think she can handle it, not when River is just laying there and hurting. “Okay, I’ll... I’ll be right back.”

 

She moves River’s curls out of her face, her hand lingering for a moment, before she gets up to obtain the things needed to fix River up. She comes back in less than a minute and sits on the bed next to River again. 

 

“Thank you,” River says and the Doctor doesn’t reply, can’t reply, reaching forward to begin unbuttoning River’s shirt. She’s opened it halfway before the wound comes into view and the Doctor freezes, staring at it. 

 

“River...” she finds herself whispering, pulling herself out of her trance and continuing to unbutton the shirt. “River, I’m so sorry.” A shaking hand reaches across to take the gauze and put it over the wound. She hates seeing River like this, especially with the knowledge that there was something she could’ve done to prevent this.

 

“It’s not your fault,” River says sincerely. 

 

The Doctor begins putting pressure onto the wound as she shakes her head. River’s words are not properly registering in her brain and she says, “I’m so sorry, I... I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

 

“You didn’t hurt me,” River replies, and even though she can barely keep her eyes open she’s looking up at the Doctor like she trusts her more than anything and it tears the Doctor apart because River shouldn’t be looking at her like that, not when the Doctor has done nothing but hurt her, not when the Doctor will most likely continue to do nothing but hurt her. A tear makes its way down the Doctor’s cheek but she doesn’t go to wipe it away, she just helplessly lets it fall. She knows that River has probably experienced even worse things but that doesn’t stop the Doctor from feeling utterly helpless as she sees how awful River looks. She hates that she probably could’ve stopped it if she tried, if she had just pulled River out of range a moment sooner, if she had stepped in front of River, all of this could have been avoided. 

 

“It’s my fault you got hurt,” the Doctor says, and now her entire body is beginning to shake. She’s not thinking clearly, the only thought going through her brain that if she had been more careful River wouldn’t be in this situation. “River, I’m so sorry, I... All I ever do is hurt you. I don’t know why you—” She cuts herself off, her voice starting to quiver with emotion. 

 

“Because I love you,” River answers simply. “You’ve hurt me, yes, but I’ve hurt you too, Doctor. But what’s even more than that is we’ve done  _ so much  _ for each other. The good things we’ve done for each other are greater the times we’ve hurt each other.”

 

The Doctor lessens her pressure on River’s stomach a bit as the bleeding stops. As usual, River always knows what to say even when she had been seconds away from being fatally wounded. She shakes her head, letting out a laugh that is mostly out of relief. She doesn’t deserve River, and she’s thinking properly enough now to not say this thought out loud because she knows River would deny that for as long as she lives. She grabs the dressing to put over the wound and confesses, “I love you.”

 

“I know you do.” River reaches out a weak hand to take the Doctor’s in her own. Her reply makes the Doctor feel slightly better because River may be hurt but at least now she knows. The Doctor doesn’t think she’ll ever be able to forgive herself for her past regenerations going so long without telling River that she loves her, because she doesn’t think she’s ever loved anything as much as she loves River, and she doesn’t think she ever will. The Doctor offers a small smile and the Doctor returns it, promising herself that she won’t let River get hurt in any way as long as she can help it in the future.


	8. thirteen/river

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tags: thirteen/river, soft fluff

The party is pretty big and there are quite a lot of people so it only makes sense that she ended up losing River in the large crowds of people. The Doctor is shorter than she’s been in an extremely long time and even standing on the very top of her tippy toes isn’t enough to help her see over the heads of everyone engulfing her. She frowns to herself as she tries to search for anyone with blonde, fuzzy curls but her eyes don’t meet anyone who matches the description. It really shouldn’t be that difficult because there is no one quite like River but the Doctor can’t seem to find her  _ anywhere  _ no matter which direction she looks in. Eventually all the people surrounding her begins to disorient her so she escapes from the center of the room and makes her way to the outskirts, figuring she might be able to find her wife easier if she’s looking into everything, rather than looking out from where the crowd is.

 

A few minutes pass by and River is nowhere to be found, so the Doctor heads over to the bar and gets a drink that doesn’t look too threatening. She continues scanning through the people that walk past but none of them are River. Giving up for now, she sighs and takes a sip from her drink. The only she’s here is because River had insisted and now that River isn’t by her side, she has no idea what to do. She doesn’t know anyone else here and they all seem to be preoccupied with their own conversations anyway, so she decides to just sit and sulk until she sees her wife again.

 

After  a few minutes, the Doctor is considering simply just shouting River’s name at the top of her lungs when she sees a flash of something the same exact sparkly bright red color as River’s dress out of the corner of her eye. It’s River talking to someone, which the Doctor would normally be completely fine with, but then she looks closer and she sees that the person happens to be a very attractive woman. And this very attractive woman has that look in her eye, the one that the Doctor has seen in people when they’re flirting with someone. The Doctor watches as River laughs at something this very attractive woman has just said, and a frown fixes itself on the Doctor’s lips. She swears she isn’t the jealous type, because how can she be when she’s married to River, but she fixes a glare on the woman. She plans on just sitting there and grumpily watching but her legs seem to have a mind of their own because before she can stop herself or think twice about it, the Doctor begins heading over to River and the woman. She walks right over and slides her arm around River’s waist as she leans in to press a kiss to her cheek. If River is surprised at the Doctor’s sudden display of affection, she doesn’t show it.

 

“I thought I lost you,” the Doctor tells her loudly so she can be heard over the music playing, trying to not let the jealousy make its presence known in her voice — because she  _ isn’t _ jealous, she swears, she’s just glad to be with River again — but River seems to give her a knowing look. The Doctor looks at the woman and offers the hand that isn’t around River’s waist. “I’m the Doctor. I’m River’s wife.”

 

The woman’s eyes widen as she looks between the two women in front of her and the Doctor can’t help the satisfaction she feels. “Oh, you two are married?” she asks, shaking the Doctor’s hand.

 

The Doctor smugly nods and then she glances over at River, a fond look on her face. “I  _ had _ to marry her. She was planning to destroy the universe if I didn’t.” River rolls her eyes but there’s a simple forming on her lips.

 

“Well, it’s a little bit more complicated than that, but yes,” River laughs, shaking her head fondly. 

 

The woman eyes them both and gives a smile. “Well, if you’ll excuse me, I see someone I know over there. It was lovely meeting you both,” she says, obviously just making up an excuse, and leaves to go into the other direction.

 

Once she’s out of earshot, River turns to the Doctor and asks, “What was that all about?” because the Doctor does not usually introduce herself as her wife or tell people the technical reason they got married.

 

The Doctor blushes and sheepishly shrugs. She knows that if she answers truthfully then River will know. But River is looking at her expectantly so she mutters, “She was flirting with you.”

 

“And you were jealous?” River asks, and the Doctor begins to shake her head in denial but River grins, reaching out to take the Doctor’s hand in her own. She begins to lean in and the Doctor closes the distance, their lips meeting in a kiss that tells the Doctor she’s the only one who gets to experience this. River may flirt with and kiss and marry other people but the only person she’s in love with is the Doctor. She smiles into the kiss and when they pull away, River tells her, “Darling, you’re _adorable_. But you should know by now that the only person I ever see is you.” 


	9. one/river

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tags: one/river, fluff, the Doctor is currently in his annoyed with her because he doesn't want to be in love with her phase

The Krargs are a race that should most definitely  _ not _ be attempted to handle by one mere Time Lord. The Doctor disregards this obvious fact and instead of staying far away, he plans to meet with one. He is unsure if the Krarg is going to speak with him so they can come to a compromise or just attack him, but he supposes he’ll find out when he gets there. He begins putting in the coordinates into the TARDIS and he hopes she actually brings him to the right location because she often ends up in a completely different place. 

 

When the TARDIS lands, it is in the correct place for once. The Doctor knows this is most likely a very bad idea but that has never stopped him in the past so he double checks the scanner to make sure and then exits the ship, shutting the doors behind him. The Krarg is already there and it’s looking at the Doctor menacingly but he just gives it a kind smile in return. It doesn’t move but its eyes glow a brighter shade of red and the Doctor steps forward, clasping his hands together.

 

“Hello,” he greets it, and that seems to be the wrong thing to say because the Krarg surges forward towards him. The Doctor considers just going back into the TARDIS and leaving because there is no way this can end well but instead, he stays where he is. He continues, “I just want to talk, if that’s quite all right with you,” but it doesn’t slow down or stop or even give him a sign that it can hear him. He gets the feeling that he should just turn and run but before he can begin to do so, he hears a loud boom from a few feet away. He reacts quickly and throws himself to the ground, flinging his arm over his face so he doesn’t get hit with the impact of the inevitable explosion.

 

After a moment, the Doctor moves his arm away and he looks up as the steam from the explosion begins to dissipate and he finds that the Krarg is no longer there. He sees just the outline of a person move to stand over him at first and as more of the steam clears, the distinct golden curls that can only belong to River Song appear and he frowns. He’s only met this woman once or twice before but every time, she’s ended up saving his life. He hopes they aren’t getting into the habit of her appearing and saving him whenever he’s in trouble because he admittedly is in danger quite often and he’d rather not have to put up with that satisfied expression she has whenever she one ups him.

 

“Despite what you may think,” he begins, not missing her knowing smirk, “I am completely capable of taking care of myself.”

 

“Are you?” River muses as she holds out her hand to help him up. He takes it despite himself and is brought to his feet.  “Because it seems like what you’re capable of this the  _ opposite _ of taking care of yourself.”

 

The Doctor dusts his clothes off as he tries to make himself look dignified. He hates the smug look on her face and he hates the pleased tone of her voice and he wants to hate  _ her _ but he finds that he can’t bring himself to. He looks away and clears his throat. “Yes, well, everything is not what it seems, hm?” 

 

“If you say so,” River replies, and it’s clear that she’s only humoring him. The Doctor is silent for a moment for lack of a clever enough retort and he frowns. River’s smirk somehow gets even more insufferable to the Doctor. “I just saved you. You should be thanking me instead of sulking, Doctor.” 

 

“I’m not sulking,” the Doctor lies, wanting nothing more than for her to just leave him alone so he can get back to his life in peace. “I was going to talk to that Krarg and now I can’t because you went and blew it up.” 

 

“You were going to talk to it?” River asks, an eyebrow raised. The Doctor had certainly been  _ planning _ on talking to it but that is most definitely not what would’ve ended up happening. “If by talking to it you mean getting killed by it, then sure.”

 

The Doctor can’t figure out how anyone at all puts up with this woman. She seems to be unable to do anything besides irritating him. He shakes his head, as if trying to get rid of her from his thoughts because once she’s there then she’ll never leave. “Why are you here? This can’t be just another coincidence.”

 

“I’m afraid it is. As much as I would love for the only reason I’m here to be to rescue you, I’m actually here for a business meeting.” River gives him a smile that the Doctor feels like its intention is to mock him and he can’t tell if she’s serious or not. 

 

“You’d best be off then, hm?” the Doctor says, hoping that she’ll finally leave him alone. There’s a part of him that wants to know more about her; who she is, why she keeps saving him, and why she seems like she knows so much about him. But he has a feeling that the answers to those questions are answers that he isn’t ready for quite yet. He also tells himself that he doesn’t want to be with River any longer than he has to. “I’d hate to make you late.”

 

“You won’t make me late,” River replies but then offers him no further explanation, instead giving a wink and a wave.


	10. thirteen/river

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tags: thirteen/river, fluff, implied nsfw

When the Doctor wakes up, the first thing she feels is someone’s arms around her. She blinks her eyes open in a mixture of confusion and surprise; the last time she woke up in someone’s arms was—

 

She turns her head to see who’s next to her and it’s _River_. The Doctor stares in shock and then the memory of the events from the previous night comes flooding back to her. She smiles and shuts her eyes again, snuggling closer to her wife, more content than she can remember being since her last body was for twenty-four years.

 

She wakes up again but doesn’t open her eyes, instead blindly reaching out for River to pull her closer. She does this quite often when she sleeps, her limbs subconsciously moving towards a River who isn’t there, and this time she’s actually met with what she’s looking for. She’s surprised for a moment because this never happens, River is never here for her fingers to find and touch. She feels River shift and wrap her arms around her and she tells herself the tears forming in her eyes should probably be alarming but she’s finally just _happy_ and she doesn’t care. She’s spent too long without her to focus on anything that isn’t _her_.

 

“Are you awake?” River murmurs, her voice so soft and soothing that the Doctor doesn’t know how she’s gone this long without hearing it. The Doctor shakes her head and buries her face into River’s neck, eyes still closed, and she just relishes in the feeling of how close they are; River’s curls are in her face and they’re holding one another like they belong to each other and she can’t quite tell where she ends and River begins.

 

“No. Still asleep,” the Doctor responds, nuzzling closer, pleased when she feels River’s grasp around her tighten. She presses a kiss to a spot on River’s neck, then repeats the action a few more times just for good measure, and smiles to herself when she hears the other woman laugh because she loves that laugh more than anything in the universe, she could hear that laugh more times than anything else and she’d never tire of it. It’s _perfect_ and just the sound of it is enough to send the Doctor’s hearts soaring.

 

“That’s a shame,” River says playfully, turning her head to kiss her on the forehead. The Doctor feels warm all over and makes a sound of content. “Because I was looking forward to spending the morning with my wife.”

 

“Time doesn’t exist inside the TARDIS,” the Doctor comments, but then she realizes what River said and she jerks away slightly, eyes quickly opening. _Wife_. Oh. She’d forgotten she’s not an old man with white hair and a grumpy personality anymore. She suddenly feels shy and color rushes to her cheeks as she doesn’t meet River’s gaze.

 

“What is it?” River asks, frowning, immediately sensing the Doctor’s worry. “What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing,” the Doctor answers too quickly. There’s no way River will accept that so she shrugs, pretending she doesn’t care about it as much as she does. “I’ve, you know. I’ve changed.”

 

“Yes,” River says slowly, not quite understanding. “That does happen when Time Lords are about to die.”

 

“ _No_ , I’ve... I’ve _changed_.” She finally looks at River again and watches her study her for a moment before realization dawns. The Doctor looks away again. “I’m not your husband anymore, I’m your wife.”

 

“Doctor,” River says, sounding like she’s in disbelief. “Doctor, you being my wife doesn’t change anything. You’re still the same person you’ve always been. This isn’t any different from any other regenerations you’ve had, all that’s happened is that you have a different body. You’re who you were a thousand years ago, two thousand years ago, or even two thousand years into the future. No matter what you look like, you’re still my husband. And I love you too much to let a change as small as this affect how I see you.”

 

The Doctor can finally breathe again and she stares at her before pulling her into a hug. “River Song,” she whispers, not knowing what she did to deserve someone so wonderful. “Thank you. I love you. So much.”

 

They pull away and River shakes her head fondly. “Unless you get cold feet, I’m never letting you go no matter what you look like or who you are.”

 

“I’m yours,” the Doctor says honestly, and she looks more sincere than River has ever seen. “I’m yours, in every way you’ll have me. Always.”

 

“Good,” River smiles. “Because I’m also _yours_.”

 

The Doctor’s face breaks out into a grin and she tangles her fingers into River’s hair, both of them leaning forwards so their lips meet. It’s such a simple action but no matter how many times they do it, no matter how many lives they’ve gone through, this is something neither of them will ever tire of. They move perfectly against one another, like they’re meant to do this forever, like they never need to breathe again as long as they’re with each other.

 

They pull away but the spell isn’t broken, both of them breathing heavily but looking at the other as if they’re in a daze.

 

The Doctor clears her throat and she glances down at River’s lips again but she holds back. She meets her eyes again and offers a small smile. “So? What do you think?”

 

“I think this body is _amazing_ ,” River says, the Doctor unable to hold back the beam that forms at the compliment. The smile is gone in a matter of seconds, however, because River gives her a _look_ that makes her blush. “But I also think I don’t have enough data to accurately make an observation.”

 

“Stop it,” the Doctor says, but River smirks and rolls on top of the Doctor, letting out a laugh at how the Doctor can only audibly swallow and stare up at her.

 

“Never.”


	11. seven/river, nsfw

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tags: seven/river, nsfw, there’s a lot of power dynamic stuff going on here idk, also just a disclaimer everything happening is 100% consensual on both sides & if either of them didn't actually want it then they’d put a stop to it immediately, no one read this thanks

She tries to tell herself that being the reason he’s loud when they have to be quiet so they don’t get caught _isn’t_ satisfying but she can’t help the surge of gratification that goes through her whenever he can’t stop a noise from escaping his throat. It’s long past the time Ace has gone to sleep but they’re in the console room and the Doctor has informed her that Ace can wake up very easily and they shouldn’t be doing this in the first place but they need to be quiet if they’re going to, but it seems _he’s_ the one unable to be anything but loud.

“Can you shut up? _You’re_ the one who said we need to be quiet.” River whispers against the Doctor’s ear, holding back her own sound as she tries to remain as composed as possible, giving a particularly sharp thrust that makes him groan. He’s glad his back is to her because it means he can’t see her face and he just knows she has that smug smirk she saves for whenever she proves herself to be better than him. “Or am I going to have to shut you up myself and gag you and finally get some peace and quiet?”

He doesn’t respond for a moment and he shuts his eyes tightly at her words, but he quickly shakes his head because he isn’t going to give her the enjoyment of knowing that he’d actually want that. Because he _doesn’t_ actually want that, he insists to himself, the shiver that climbs up his spine _isn’t_ because now he can’t get that thought out of his brain. He swallows hard and if his voice comes out a little weak when he begins speaking, that most certainly is _not_ because right now, he’d let her do whatever she wants to him. “No—”

“You’d like that too much, though, wouldn’t you?” she cuts him off, seeing right through his lie because _of course_ she does. It infuriates him more than it should but his annoyance is short lived for the moment when she gives another sharp thrust and she ducks her head to bite his neck. He somehow gets even louder as she does so and he can practically feel the smugness radiating off of her. “Do you _want_ Ace to hear you? Do you want to be seen like this, all wrecked and unable to control yourself because of me?”

“Of course not,” he gasps out, because he would genuinely rather painfully die a million times than have Ace catch him like this. He’d rather die in the most painful way imaginable than for _anyone_ to see him like this. He’s the Doctor, he can’t be seen in this state, turned into a compliant mess because of _River_. He hates her, he hates her more than any evil thing he’s ever encountered, and yet for some reason he craves this, craves _her_ , even despite all the loathing he feels for her. He’s certain that when this is all over, when River is gone and he can think straight again, he’ll be furious with himself for allowing her to take advantage of him yet again, but right now he’ll take what he can get. “River,” he begins, because he needs to get the upper hand again, but it instead comes out sounding needy. He hears River chuckle behind him and he tells himself the feeling that surges through his body is annoyance and not excitement. She slides one of her hands up to brush his hair out of his face, an action that feels gentle but he knows is only being done to mock him, and her other arm moves to his front where she takes him in hand, smiling to herself as he chokes back a noise.

“What was that you’re saying?” River asks all too cheerfully and it only angers him more because she sounds perfectly composed while he can’t even remember what he had been trying to say. He doesn’t even know how they ended up like this, how he got to the point where he’s letting her do this to him again. She’s the most infuriating person he’s ever met and she makes him mad just by saying only one word to him but he’s somehow still here with her, barely putting up a fight, while she delights in the power she has over him right now.

“I hate you,” he tells her, practically through gritted teeth. He hates her, he can’t stand her, he despises her—

“Oh, really? Are you sure about that?” River asks casually, doing a thing with her hand that makes him struggle to not arch up into her touch. She presses herself even harder against him and they both gasp at the different angle, the Doctor’s body seeming to be confused whether it wants to move forward towards her hand or backwards to more friction. He can’t believe he’s reacting like this; he’s giving her exactly what she wants and he’s not even trying not to. “If you _really_ hated me, would you even be in this situation? Would you be letting me do this? Because you know what I think?” She moves her hand back to his hair and this time she grabs it, pulling his head back so his ear is right by her lips. He cries out in a mixture of surprise and pain but otherwise doesn’t protest. “I think you need this. I think you need me and you just don’t want to admit it. To me or yourself.”

“Shut up,” he mutters because he knows it’s true and he doesn’t want to hear it, especially not from her. She tightens her grasp on his hair and quickens her movements, also speeding up her hand on him. It isn’t surprising that he’s still being loud and she lets go of him. He turns his head to look at her and she has to hold back her laugh at how insulted he looks. “What are you doing?”

“I’m not going to touch you unless you’re quiet,” she explains simply, her tone much too smug for his liking. “So if you’re good then I’ll reward you.”

“That’s not fair,” the Doctor insists, shifting further back before he can stop himself in an attempt to make up for the lost touch. He’s utterly wrecked and she still finds ways to make him even worse.

“I’ll even help you out,” she says and before he can ask what she means, she’s covering his mouth with her hand. His whimper is muffled and he immediately tries to stifle it, the challenge being made even harder as River moves her hips faster. A few noises are escaping but the Doctor is considerably quieter than he had been so she decides to take pity and without warning she puts her hand back, everything suddenly getting too overwhelming for him; the room is spinning and she’s all around him and it’s too much as he vaguely hears her also reaching release. He doesn’t know how long it takes but he comes back to himself and he’s almost disappointed to find she’s no longer pressed up against him. He shakes his head at himself, obviously his brain is still not functioning properly, and he expects her to leave him until the next time they do this again but she doesn’t appear to be going like she usually does. Instead she tells him, “I’m going to sleep. You can join me if you want.”

He stares at her in surprise for a few seconds and then says, “But you don’t have a bedroom here.”

She gives him a look that makes him doubt his statement but to even more of his confusion, she smiles and says, “Oh, that’s okay. I was planning on going to yours anyway.”


	12. eight/river

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tags: eight/river, they're cute

“Can you hear me?” River says into her communication device, the franticness she feels slipping through into her voice. She vaguely thinks they seem to be doing this often, where they’re trying to help each other from different ends of the same ship, not knowing if the other is okay or even alive. It’s not surprising that they always end up like this but it’s still stressful. She sighs to herself and then says more forcefully into the communicator, “Doctor, I need to know if you can hear me or not.”

 

“Yes, I can hear you,” comes the Doctor through the communicator at last, voice albeit a little staticy. He still isn’t entirely sure who she is — in fact, he still has absolutely  _ no idea _ who she is — but her constant concern for him is, well, it’s  _ endearing _ . He doesn’t know why she cares so much but he doesn’t have much room to comment because he knows less about her than she knows about him and he’s found he’s also extremely anxious when he finds that she’s in trouble, which seems to have happened to be every time they’ve encountered each other. “What’s happening on your end?”

 

“Not much,” River admits after a moment. She looks at the computer in front of her in hope but it doesn’t show anything. “What about you? Have you been able to get the door open yet?”

 

“No,” the Doctor replies, sounding frustrated. If he doesn’t get out of here soon, then he won’t be able to get to the TARDIS and everyone on this ship, including him and River, will be blown up. “It’s deadlocked. The sonic won’t work on it.”

 

“If I can get this computer to work,” River says, hitting it lightly to get it to turn on, “then I can get you out. But it is  _ not turning on _ .”

 

“It’s okay. I’m fine for now,” the Doctor says, and River can’t tell if he’s telling the truth or not. He could run out of time at any second and she wouldn’t put it past him to lie to her in order to save everyone else. If that’s the case, she’ll never forgive him. “Maybe you can figure something out and override it if I don’t find a way to get out. Don’t worry about me; focus on the other people on the ship.”

 

“Okay,” River says after a moment. If she works quickly then they’ll be able to save everyone  _ and _ get the Doctor to safety. She hits the computer lightly and presses the power button again and this time, it flashes on. She gives a sigh of relief and informs him, “I got it to work. I’m getting in right now.” 

 

She types quickly as she logs in, and then asks, “What room are you in? Do you know?” 

 

“It’s the one all the way down at the end of the hall,” he answers and River nods. She types quickly and is very thankful that every computer here has a map of the entire ship on it.

 

“Okay,” River says, scanning the map for the corridor they’re by. “I found it. And I can see the room that this alien is in. I can go to the main deck, open your door, and close the alien’s.”

 

“Do the alien first. Well, the other alien,” the Doctor urges and River rolls her eyes because she can practically see his smile at his joke. She moves quickly out of the room she’s in and heads to the main room. She arrives there as soon as possible and slips her communicator into her pocket.

 

The Doctor has his own communication device up to his ear, trying to hear River’s progress. There’s suddenly a lot of voices coming through so he assumes that means she’s made it to the main room. He remains quiet, listening intently, trying to focus on what’s going on. 

 

“What are you doing?” he hears from River’s side and he feels his hearts speed up. If she isn’t able to get this done then everyone will die. “Stop! Who are you?”

 

“I’m Professor River Song,” she says, and the Doctor freezes.

 

“Professor River Song,” he repeats, mumbling to himself. He frowns, because he’s sure he’s never heard that name before but it also sounds familiar. Either way, it sounds perfect, especially coming from her own voice. 

 

River continues, “And if you and all the other people on this ship want to stay alive, then you need to let me do this.”

 

“Do what?” someone else asks and the Doctor can practically hear River’s frustration when she replies.

 

“I just need to get over to that control panel and do a few things. You have a rampant monster on board and I need to keep it in the room its in. And I need to get someone else out of another room.”

 

“What room do you have to get somebody out of?” the other person asks. “The rooms that are locked, we keep locked for a reason.”

 

“Room four B,” she tells them.

 

“I can’t let you do that—”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Because, Professor, that room can’t be opened for more than ten seconds unless we all want to die. Which seems to be counterproductive from what you want to do since you apparently are intending to save us all.”

 

“Doctor,” River says, now speaking directly into the communicator. “Did you catch any of that? Can you get out of there in ten seconds or less?”

 

“Yes, I think so,” he answers. He can run fast, he tells himself, he’ll be able to get out in time.

 

“There you go then. He’ll be out before the ten seconds are up,” River says to the other person. The Doctor doesn’t get to hear if  anyone replies because River moves away to, the Doctor assumes, the control panel. “Are you ready, Doctor?”

 

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” he answers, and a few seconds later he hears his door unlock. He turns the handle to open it.

 

“Come on Doctor,” River says urgently. She doesn’t think he can hear her so she adds, “If you get out alive, I’ll kiss you.”

 

The Doctor runs out and pulls the door shut behind him, and if River’s promise encourages him to go faster then no one else needs to know, lifting up his communicator so he can speak. “I’m out!”

 

“Stay there,” River tells him. “I’ll come to you.”

 

She meets him in a minute or so and he’s sure her relieved expression at seeing him matches his own at seeing her. 

 

“You saved me!” he says happily. “Thank you.”

 

“It was no trouble,” she replies, beginning to turn around and start walking. “Why don’t we go find your TARDIS?”

 

“Wait,” he says before he can stop himself and she stops. He clears his throat and says, “I believe you owe me a kiss.” 

 

River’s eyes widen and she asks, “You heard that?” He nods so she sighs. “Fine then.” She leans up and presses her lips to his, meaning for it to be a quick peck but she finds that she quickly forgets herself, deepening it before she can stop herself. It lasts longer than either of them expected it to and when they pull away, they’re both out of breath. 

 

“Well,” the Doctor says, not quite knowing what to respond. “Thank you.”

 

River just shakes her head and laughs despite herself. She takes his arm and begins heading in the direction of the TARDIS, figuring there’s no harm in waiting just a little longer before erasing his memory this time.


	13. eleven/river

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tags: eleven/river, fluff

“Take it back.” 

 

The tension in the air is thick as River narrows her eyes at the Doctor, staring him down. Her gaze pins him to his spot and while the Doctor could try to defend himself, he refuses to be the one to look away first. He knows he could easily end this by just giving her what she wants but it wouldn’t look good for him to give in so quickly. She has a smirk on her face, like she is certain that he’ll do so, and the Doctor can tell that she’s probably right, but that doesn’t stop him from being stubborn.

 

The Doctor bravely shakes his head and says to River firmly, “I will not.” 

 

River takes a step closer to him and the Doctor instinctually takes one step back, a nervous expression on his face. 

 

“Yes, you will,” she insists, a smirk growing on her lips. “You can do it now the easy way or you can resist and end up doing it the hard way. Either way, you’ll be taking it back.” 

 

The Doctor hesitates for a moment and River can tell that he’s debating whether or not he should just give in. He then stubbornly shakes his head again. “I refuse.”   
  


“Are you sure about that?” River asks, as if she’s doing the Doctor a favor by giving him an opportunity to change his mind. She gives him a falsely sweet smile and takes another step towards him. “All you have to do is take it back and everything will be fine.”

 

The Doctor takes a step back but still shakes his head. “I am a man of my word. I will not take it back just because you are merely insulted by a simple fact.”

 

“Your  _ opinion _ is not a fact,” River argues. She doesn’t take another step but he does, backwards, and his back ends up against the TARDIS door. River smirks. “You have nowhere to run, Doctor. Just give in.” 

 

“I’m not taking it back,” the Doctor tells her. She gets rid of the space between them and even though she’s shorter than him, she’s still intimidating. He knows that he’ll end up giving in, this is  _ River _ , of course he isn’t going to win, but he’s not going to be that easy.

 

“You know, I did make a Dalek beg for mercy once,” River says, almost conversationally, as she rests her arm against the wall so she’s even closer to him. “A Time Lord is nothing for me.” 

 

“Well, what are you going to do?” the Doctor asks. “I’m your husband. You can’t inflict any lasting harm.” 

 

“Can’t I?” River asks and, before the Doctor can respond, she leans in and kisses him.

 

The Doctor eagerly kisses her back, his hands resting on the back of River’s neck to get closer to her, as if he had completely forgotten that they had even been arguing. River inwardly smiles to herself as one of her hands snakes its way to the Doctor’s pocket where his sonic screwdriver sits, this action going unnoticed as he continues to be distracted by the kiss. When they pull away from each other, the Doctor tries to catch his breath and River smiles at him. 

 

“What was that for?” the Doctor asks, his tone accusatory, now realizing there was most likely some ulterior motive for the kiss. River holds up the screwdriver and the Doctor gasps before patting his jacket pockets to make sure that it is indeed his sonic she’s holding. He finds that his pockets are empty and he turns back to her, betrayal and shock clear on his face. “River.” 

 

“Doctor,” River says slowly, in mock seriousness. “I will get rid of the hat room in the TARDIS.”

 

“You wouldn’t!” the Doctor says in horror, failing to realize that she wouldn’t be able to actually do that with just his screwdriver. But River’s had a lot of practice faking things so her face tells him that yes, she  _ would _ , and she’d do much worse as well. “Okay, fine, I take it back!”

 

River smiles, pleased, and gives the Doctor a peck on the lips as she hands him back his screwdriver. 

**Author's Note:**

> please leave a comment if you enjoyed this or you can yell at me on [tumblr](http://diaryofriversong.tumblr.com) or [twitter](http://twitter.com/hadestcwn)!!!


End file.
